26
May
12

FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. (SIX MONTHS.)


FLATLINE… THE STROKE CHRONICLES. 

“Where others will not cross the line, the line is where I begin and cross over to start my journey.” 

SIX MONTHS.:

Today is May 26, 2012. This date may not mean much to anyone, but this date matters to me. For it has been exactly six months since I have had my stroke. On may 12,2012 a little over two weeks ago I had written a post about my up coming anniversary of the stroke that I had.

You can see the post here.

http://lulogicblog.com/2012/05/09/flatline-the-stroke-chronicles-six-months-and-waiting/

 Within the blog post mentioned above I had shared my thoughts on the upcoming date of the six month anniversary of my stroke. Sounds morbid I know, but it does mean something to be. Feels like it all happened years ago or not even at all that this happened to me, but it did.

“How do I feel?” You might ask? To answer that question I can honestly say… “I don’t know.”

“How does one feel about such an event in one’s life when the moment has not ended?”  My recovery is still going on, and I am only just recently just starting my next round of physical therapy. I have not even taken the time to plan my life for the near future.

Correction… “I have not taken the time to see what could be my options in the near future.” Reason being is that it depresses me, so I try to avoid those thoughts for now. I know that they will have to be address, just not right now I feel.

The old saying of “One step at a time.” Seems to be true for me nowadays. Besides… I try not to go into “Sensory overload.” Besides… We all know that story.

http://lulogicblog.com/2012/03/08/flatline-the-stroke-chronicles-sensory-overload/

I just feel that at this point in my life I just have one to many unknown variables to work with at this time. I could come up with a plan, but it’s so volatile that it all could change in an instant. So I just try to approach things a little differently I guess.

I try to keep busy with my life, funny thing about that is the fact that I am kept busy still trying to get  various social services that I need, since I don’t have a social worker helping me out with all the paperwork that I alone have been processing and submitting.

But when I am not doing paperwork I pretty much try not to think about it all. I still try to be active and justify my activities as “therapy.” Instead of just lying around the apartment, I just try to keep moving. After all its better for the muscles on the right side of my body that have been affected by the stroke.

It’s not a perfect way to get better, but I consider it “better than nothing at all.” For I find my physical therapy to be not enough for me. Thirty minutes at a hospital rehab center once a week is just not enough. Not for me or anyone with my condition for that matter I think.

I feel that I will rise above all this.

I always had that feeling since day one of my stroke. Call it “hope” or “wishful thinking.” But I do think that in good time, I will come out fine from all this. Only time will tell and from my efforts of trying to get better will prove the final outcome of such an event in my life.

I will say this much… “This is one chapter in my life that I do hope ends very soon.” But atlas… That is not the case and the chapter/story goes on. This whole event has changed my thoughts a lot about health, health care, the handicapped and so on. So what is my calling now? What will be my next turn of events with my life?

I am still alive of course, but now that this has happened. Do I plan for my potential death? Or Do I enlighten others, or myself to find the meaning of all this? Maybe I am just reaching out to far. Like as if I am trying to touch the hand of God?

That’s if he (God) exists of course. What if he never existed? If so… Then what am I reaching out for? An answer and the reasoning to all this? And what about all the other of millions of people that have been affected? What are they reaching for? The answer? A new lease on life? Then of course there are those that never survived having a stroke. Have they all died in vain?

Odd but interesting questions I think? Or maybe I just have too much free time on my hands? I can only imagine what the next six months will bring me. I had a plan of my life around this time last year on what I was going to do, but now that has all changed. And I never even thought of a backup plan incase something like this happened. Then again do we ever have a backup plan? It’s almost safe to say “no.”

Then of course I could be wrong about the above mentioned, what do you think? Only time and planning will dictate what will happen to me next and of course any unforeseen circumstances as well can change the direction of the next six months, six days, six minutes of my life.

I am (for feel that I am…) half way to the end of a long journey. I am so ready for the next chapter in my life. In time… I will happen. No rush or worries. For you cannot worry about what may or may not come next in life.

“Just embrace life, keep moving forward.”

One small fact before I end this post. The Date and time of this blog post being premiered online (May 26,2012 at 5:30 p.m.) Was about the exact time I entered into the emergency room of St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital in New York City back in November 26, 2011 at 5:30 p.m.

Exactly six months.

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